my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
