mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
