I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
