hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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