quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
