I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
