i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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