All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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