There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
