Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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