My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
