I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
soo... how was my night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize