we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
