Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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