i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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