Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I just sharted jello shots
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