just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize