i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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