if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
