Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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