just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
