Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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