I'm gonna have a badass scar
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
