Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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