He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
