I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
