she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
