I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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