I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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