you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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