The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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