Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize