ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
