Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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