Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
