just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
