I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize