The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
