and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
