sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
