The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize