just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
