Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
