Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
