I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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