he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
