you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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