I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
