small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
