you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
