after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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