Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
