1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
