I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
