that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
