rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
