New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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