we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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