captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize