it wasn't lemon gatorade
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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