I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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