dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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