Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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