You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
