im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
