Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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