I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
