I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Life is so much better after having sex.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
