I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
