My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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