I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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