Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
