And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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