and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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