who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
