It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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