went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
