Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
