finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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