My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
