Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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