What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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