gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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