And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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