please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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