My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
