Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
one might say we're banned from that church
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
