Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
