marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
