See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
