I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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