I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
