we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
